R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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