It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
