They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
