i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
