I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I will pee on everything he values.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Randomize
