So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
