He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
