is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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