Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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