I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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