I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
