If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
