the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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