what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
