when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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