we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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