U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
