Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
