I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
