just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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