i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
