How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
