Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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