Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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