I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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