I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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