My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
