just tell him i said nine months
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
