I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
