How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
