I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
