We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
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I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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