Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
