I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
