I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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