All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
