the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
