You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
