my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Randomize
