You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
