Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
