seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
