the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
