Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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