so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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