That's intense
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
