I want to stick my p in your. b.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
