i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
this just has baby written all over it
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
