Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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