There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
