Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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