I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being pregnant is like rehab
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize