My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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