I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You work out of a Hotel?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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