She just used a chaser for red wine.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
