the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
