Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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