Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
