found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
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