your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
