OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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