They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
