She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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