There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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