Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
