just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
This toilet bowl is my home.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
