you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
