why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
