Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
