He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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