but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
