Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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