im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just gargled with NyQuil
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