You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
