Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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