Swine flu is the new snow day.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just forgot I was standing up.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
