Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
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My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
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