Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
