Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
