He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
