I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
