Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
