its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
