'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
