you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
