There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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