Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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