did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
