the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
